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Thick trees surround the garden and the swimming pool, allowing the residents some privacy, but the loud music traveling downhill gives them away.This is one of the most blatantly unsubtle parties I have been to in Iran.A typical night out for the urban middle class by Tehran's Milad Tower.| (/SUNE ENGEL RASMUSSEN) "The number one threat to gays and lesbians in Iran is the family," agrees Hossein Alizadeh of the International Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC), and himself an Iranian.His mother, sitting speechless in a chair next to her husband, went pale.A retired colonel in the Iranian Air Force, Saeed's father looked at him with a straight face, not moving a muscle. He had spent three decades in the military, and had been shaped equally by its rigorous discipline and his religious upbringing. " he said, turning to his wife, then added: "Saeed, this is your nature. You should have told us earlier." Saeed burst into tears, relieved.

These people — men like Saeed — are the lucky ones.

So, often the best alternative is random, anonymous encounters.

Across town in a grimy, smog-choked business district in central Tehran, Park-e Daneshjoo, or Student Park, is an oasis of calm.

Often, this kind of compromising information is used to push gay people to inform on their fellow citizens.

"Certain people can shield themselves — hide behind their money and their connections," says Alizadeh.

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The "passive" person can still be sentenced to death, regardless of marital status.

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